Nastie Pastie

Spirit of nastiness pervades society today

By Woodeene Koenig-Bricker

Internet, other media encourage cruelty without stopping to consider inherent dignity of others
Websites that relish in pointing out the foibles of celebrities. Teens bullying each other on social networking sites or text messages.

If you get the feeling that Americans are becoming nastier, you aren't alone.

A recent Associated-Press Ipsos poll indicates nearly 70 percent think people are ruder than they were 20 or 30 years ago. What's more, nearly 93 percent blame parents for not teaching their children manners.

Lack of manners goes beyond making annoying cell phone calls (hated by 71 percent) and even being rude and disrespectful (83 percent were offended). Spurred primarily by the anonymity afforded by the Internet, people take little responsibility even for downright cruelty.

In a case widely reported this fall, a 13-year-old girl committed suicide as a result of a hoax played on her via the Internet. Megan Meier, a Missouri teen who suffered from depression and attention deficit disorder, corresponded with "Josh," a fictional character on the popular social networking site MySpace, created by a former friend and the friend's mother.

When "he" abruptly ended their correspondence, sending a number of insults her way and telling her he hated her, she hanged herself in her bedroom.

In California, a woman who gave birth to a healthy baby two days after learning she was pregnant was deluged with Internet messages calling her a "pig" and insinuating she would be a bad parent because she weighed nearly 400 pounds (one reason she did not detect her pregnancy sooner).

It isn't just on the Internet where nastiness rears its ugly head. Reality shows such as "Big Brother" and "Survivor" encourage contestants to deceive and gang up on one another, and television audiences continue to tune in week after week.

Joy at another's pain

"It seems that every year another protective layer of civility is peeled away from our culture," says "Ame," who, like the other sources for this story, asked to be identified by her online name.

"In the days of [President John F.] Kennedy and before, the press wouldn't dream of reporting any indiscretions. Now, if there's a scandal, there are hourly reports on TV, a blog, a website updated by the minute, countless magazines plastered with photos.

We as a culture have become vultures, feeding off the carcasses of others' pain. It makes a certain type of person feel better to read that others are down. And translated to online, those are most likely the ones posting nasty comments. Right after they kicked their dog."

In fact, being nasty has become a form of entertainment. Sites like www.perezhilton. com and www.dlisted.com exist solely to make fun of celebrities and point out their every shortfall.

"I've never been a reader of tabloids," says "Dez." "The Enquirer, the Star, that kind of thing that just looks to make fun of everybody for everything, and especially celebrities, of course.

[Where I work there are] four offices along one side and three secretaries' cubicles outside our offices. The secretaries drive me nuts with their chit-chat all day long, but never more than when they're reading the online tabloids together and commenting back and forth about what they're reading. É Those sites, and the girls when they're reading them, are just a huge pit of nastiness about celebrities."

He added that the fact that the information can all be shared quickly on the Internet and that it's free and easily accessible makes it appealing.

"They're probably not worse people for it or anything. I'm sure they don't go home and beat their kids because of it," he said. "But I can't help thinking that wallowing in all that negativity and hyper-criticism can't be good for anybody's character."

Antidote to nastiness
That's really what's at stake here. When we indulge in vicious, no-holds-barred nastiness under the cover of anonymity, we fool only ourselves if we think it has no effect on our soul. Little by little, we become more like that online persona.

"I had been posting on a sports team site on topics ranging from the team to baseball in general to politics to religion," said "Joe." "Unfortunately, it is impossible to discuss any of these topics on the Internet without being verbally assaulted with rudeness, name-calling and vulgarity.

"Unfortunately, my reaction was often in kind (or should I say in unkind?). I didn't like my Internet persona," Joe adds. "It was very different from my live personality. In real life, I have very strong opinions and often state them matter-of-factly, but am always careful not to rudely attack the person I am talking to, nor to use profanity. I naively thought that changing my Internet personality would keep me out of 'flame wars' and allow me to participate in heated, but civil, debates. Wrong."

Despite the ways social networking has changed our interactions, the Golden Rule still applies. When we "do unto others as we would have them do onto us," we aren't just maintaining a veneer of civilization, we are actually bringing God's own goodness into the world. Galatians 6:7 tells us,

"Make no mistake: God is not mocked, for a person will reap only what he sows."
It is up to each of us to sow seeds of kindness, positivity and grace instead of the anger and hatred that incivility fuels. The cure for the nastiness that runs rampant in America begins in our own hearts. As Blessed Teresa of Calcutta said: "If you think well of others, you will also speak well of others and to others. From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. If your heart is full of love, you will speak of love."

Good advice both when dealing one-on-one and through our new, faceless means of technological communication.

What bothers us most: 84%
People who are rude and disrespectful: 87%
People who use their cells phones in a loud or annoying manner in public areas: 74%
People who answer their cell phones or e-mail while in a conversation with other people: 80%
People who use bad or rude language out loud in public: 77%
People who substitute words like "freaking" or "B.S" for swear words

Source: ABC News poll
Woodeene Koenig-Bricker writes from Oregon.

http://www.osv.com/OSVNav/OSVNewsweeklyJanuary62008/Spiritofnastinesspervadessocietytoday/tabid/5146/Default.aspx

http://www.spiritdaily.com/