Grandma's Boy

Grandma's Boy gets the girl.

How to Get a Girlfriend, If You’re a Gamer
March 6, 2007 on 12:10 am In Guides

I’m a man of my word. In response to my last post on WikiHow’s How to Get Your Girlfriend to Play Video Games, I promised I’d throw together a comprehensive guide on a much more important issue: How to Get a Girlfriend, If You’re a Gamer. You see, before you can try to fanoogle your girlfriend into playing video games, you actually need to have a girlfriend in the first place. That girl you kidnapped and have tied up in your garage; she doesn’t count, sorry. Like in your favorite scientific journal (I prefer Playboy), authors usually list their edumacational background to validate their arguments. For this guide, I intend to follow the same outline, so let’s take a lil gander at my credentials, shall we?

I’ve been video gaming since the birth of the NES and I show no signs of stopping. When I was three, I used my Power Pad so much I burned holes in it; Cheetah could never catch up with me, and I was running in fuckin diapers! I attended a so-called “Party School” for college, and made sure that I did my part to keep that identity going. Today, I run my own web business as well as this video game blog, and even though my hobbies may be “nerdish”, I still have no problem meeting girls. I’m a gamer. I always have been and always will be. At the same time you can always find me hanging out with friends at one of the local watering holes, throwing back car bomb after car bomb and seeing how much beer we can drink before we black out. Balancing a full video game work week and a social life filled with women can be a reality, and that’s what I intend to teach you.

Step 1: Cancel Next Saturday’s LAN Party and Go to a Bar

Listen, I love video games with a passion, but if you want to seriously meet a female your odds are a lot better at the popular bar down the street than on the streets of Azeroth. It doesn’t even have to be a bar - go to a restaurant with some friends, go see a movie, or hit up a baseball game. Take a break from video games and be social. You’re not gonna meet a girl sitting on your couch on Friday night, it’s just not gonna happen. Call some of your friends, cancel this Saturday night’s LAN party and go have some fun. Just because you go out and get drunk with your friends twice a month doesn’t mean you still can’t play video games all the time. My point is to simply balance both.

Step 2: Presentation

Take a shower, clean yourself up. I’m not saying you’re smelly, but if you plan on going out it’s gonna help your chances if you take a shower and invest in a stick of deodorant and even some cologne. As far as clothing goes it really doesn’t matter; I’ve walked up and got a chick’s number wearing jeans and a video game tee shirt. You don’t need to look GQ; just be yourself (a clean version). Furthermore, when you’re out at a bar with your buddies or any public setting, just take a deep breath and relax. If a girl looks over at you and sees that you’re just having a good time with your friends, you’ll appear safe and friendly. What you DO NOT want to do is pick a table in the corner and just start staring at girls; that’s fuckin creepy and you will have no shot with anyone there. Relax, relax, relax. Laugh, tell some stories with your friends, and blend in.

Step 3: The Approach

This is by far the most crucial step, but it’s also really the easiest. Whether you’re in a bar, a night club, or at Barnes and Noble, you use the exact same mentality. Are you ready to be blown away, because this is all you have to say when you walk up a girl for the first time: “Hi, my name’s (enter name here). What’s yours?” Deliver that with a smile and the conversation has begun. Don’t EVER use a fuckin pick-up line - they don’t work, except on rare occassions. Once you introduce yourself, just keep the conversation simple. If you meet a girl at a bookstore, ask her what book she’s reading. If she’s out walking her dog a great first line is asking what the dog’s name is. You don’t need to quote Shakespeare or use some movie line about the beauty of her eyes - just put on a smile, walk up to her, and introduce yourself. Girls love confidance. If you walk up to a girl in front of all her friends and start talking to her, she’s gonna be impressed as long as you’re not throwing pick-up lines at her. Sure it can be nerve-wracking, but you have to have the “ahh fuck-it” mentality. If you see the girl of your dreams come into the bar and sit down next to you; are you really gonna sit there the entire time without talking to her? Tell yourself you only get one chance, because 99% of the time that’s the reality. Take a deep breath, relax, and go introduce yourself. Strike up a basic conversation, stay away from pick-up lines, and just be yourself. You’ll be surprised just how easy it is, honest to (insert favorite deity here).

Step 4: Casual Dating and Video Gaming

So two weeks ago you got a cute girl’s number when you were out with your friends and you’ve gone on a few dates. You’re really into her, and everything is going your way. Is it time to start telling her how your Level 70 Priest just got a killer new bowstaff in The Outlands? Unless you discover she’s a hardcore World of Warcraft player, probably not. When she asks about your favorite hobbies, by all means be truthful and say that you still absolutely love playing video games.

You see, girls know that just about EVERY male on the planet plays and loves video games; it’s a fact. They know what they’re getting themselves into. The trick fellas is to not go into detail about your gaming passion, at least this early in your “relationship”, if you can call it that. I guarantee she’s hiding shit from you, and she’s doing it for the same exact reason - she likes you, and she doesn’t want to scare you off. Maybe she practices witchcraft or still collects dolls or something, who knows?

When you start dating a girl, by all means tell her about yourself. Don’t just talk to her about how you love video games; talk about your goals in life, your dreams, talk about funny stories from your past, etc. The girl that gave you her number knows that every single guy plays video games; don’t think she’ll get freaked out and leave the restaurant when you tell her that. Do NOT drag on with the subject or even worse, start explaining to her what “DPS” and “alts” mean, because then she will walk out.

Want a perfect example of this advice? Watch “Grandma’s Boy”, and see who gets the girl: Greybush or J.P. They’re both video game nerds, but J.P. talks in a robot voice and thinks being creepy will get the girl. Greybush is laid back, he loves to party (well, smoke weed really), and in the end he gets Linda Cardellini, even though he lives with his Grandma!

Guys, that’s it. Just follow these four steps and you will find success. The bottom line is that you have to get up off the couch once in a while and experience the real world; girls aren’t gonna come to you, no matter how good you are at Goldeneye. Grab some of your friends, go to a bar, and have fun. Be yourself, and leave your success stories in the comments below.