Priceless

Tourism: Space vs. Egypt
Posted by Laurence Simon

Okay, so it's been a while since I've dispensed any travel advice, I thought I'd do a little comparison shopping for you:

PRICE:
Space: Very expensive.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.

AVAILABILITY:
Space: Nearly impossible to get to.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.

HEALTH CARE ACCESS:
Space: Nearly all crew are well-versed in First Aid and medical procedures, trained on simulators and have a direct line to physicians planetside.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you. Then, the ambulances will arrive late. Finally, the doctors will try to finish you off. Worst of all, none of it will be covered by your insurance carrier.

SIGHTSEEING:
Space: A unique panoramic view of Earth from orbit.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.

LODGING:
Space: Cramped quarters in vehicle and in space station.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.

TRIP PREPARATION:
Space: Extensive background check, fitness screening.
Egypt: A few shots, some bribes for customs officials, and - oh, I almost forgot - Muslims will try to kill you.

GRAVITY:
Space: None. Wheeeeeeeeeee! Uh oh. *barf*
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.

SHOPPING:
Space: Okay, so there aren't any Gucci or Prada stores in orbit. Yet.
Egypt: After ripping you off with cheap knock-offs made in China, Muslims will try to kill you.

DINING:
Space: All food is vacuum-sealed, but water is machine-fresh.
Egypt: Muslims will try to kill you.

ATMOSPHERE:
Space: Outside, none. Inside, lots. Stay inside.
Egypt: Filled with blood, shrapnel, and body parts. Some of which may be your own. Why? Because Muslims will try to kill you.

WINNER:If you can afford it, Space.

And there you have it. Next week, I will compare Disneyland and Mecca.